Which One of You Bitches Is My Twin Flame

When I was little(r), the idea of purpose used to plague me. I would think about science, and nature, and I would read the back of my father’s atheism books, and I would freak out. I have a theory that while other children’s brains developed, mine went the other direction as I aged, because I was too smart for my own good. It got dangerous for my wellbeing. 

I’m much less dense now, and somewhere in the last year or two, I have deemed my own purpose (and maybe all of ours?) to be each other. The people we meet, the things we teach each other, and the unique kind of love we form in each relationship. The concept of each of our own social circles fascinates me, and if you know me well, you know that I can analyze it until I drive each one of you away due to insanity.

If you go back in this writing archive, you’ll see that I question spirituality and the universe time and time again. I’m just a girl, and I wasn’t medicated at first. I still haven’t wrapped my head around animals and like leaves and stuff, and I still think we were always meant to be indoors. I don’t know why the sun doesn’t heal me the way it heals you, Strawberry, but I breathe just fine. But recently I’ve found myself reading (watching Tik Toks) on spiritual connections. And here’s what I’ve learned and what I’m wondering:

Ok so kindred spirits is definitely the most fun. Kindred spirits is quite literally just matching someone’s freak, all the time. And I am so lucky to have experienced this. Like, I’m in a full dressing room, but I am only speaking for ONE person to understand. Only YOU would get what I’m about to say. Everyone else is like, did I miss something, but my kindred spirit and I have been laughing for thirty minutes and you can’t catch us. This can be confused with just like, besties, but this is a different kind of connection. You know when people are like, omg Blah, you have to meet my friend Blah Blah, you would hit it off instantly. And then you and Blah Blah are like blah blah blah lol nobody gets me like you. And I do think Kamala Harris and I would be kindred spirits if we met. I was thinking about that when I mailed my ballot today, pumpkin Dunkalatte in hand. I was picturing her drinking one, absolutely unbothered, on Election Day as the polls come in. I wonder if she’s able to process that she’s on people’s minds all the time.

Then there’s soulmates. Crazy word, but I totally believe in it. I don’t know how I feel about multiple universes/timelines, but the idea within soulmates is that in every single timeline, no matter what, you and your soulmate inevitably fall in love. Whatever your version of love may be, you’ll always meet your soulmate no matter what path you’re on. How sickening? (This is a good connotative word nowadays, parents). And your soulmate isn’t necessarily a matching version of you, but more of an inexplicable balance where you’re like, I honestly don’t know how we got here it just kind of happened uncontrollably and now everything feels correct. I’ve obviously felt this, too; I wouldn’t just share a bedroom with NOT my soulmate. 

But the crazy part is that you can actually have multiple soulmates, because…

You only have ONE twin flame.

Your twin flame is your separated soul connection. From what I’ve read (seen, listened to), sometimes you meet them, sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you meet them before you’re ready to. And yes, we can get into karma and karmic connections, but for sake of simplicity, if you meet your twin flame before you’re ready, supposedly, you go through this tumultuous and intense connection with them that results in separation. There’s like stages and everything. 

But I refuse to believe that I’m going to go through this life and not meet my twin flame. I know WAY too many people for that, because of the nature of my career and the city I live in, and friends of friends. My social circle is gigantic and I’ve just accepted that that’s why I’m alive, so…

WHICH ONE OF YOU IS IT SPEAK UP

Have we met? Have we separated? It would be easier if I’ve already gone through that, I guess. Maybe it’s my fling from Paper Mill, that shit felt so intense and then he just went away. I was 14. Should I DM him and be like ur my twin flame, also how’s your mom doing?

There’s some dissonance in me (as always), because I’m so scared of it, but I can’t just not go through that. I could meet my Jake Gyllenhaal and write the next ATWTMVTVFTV. I’ve decided that if Gilmore Girls can make references without explaining them to dumb audiences, so can I. Your audience is only as dumb as you write them to be. Educate yourselves. 

But like if your twin flame is a mirror of you, I’m gonna be obsessed with my twin flame. And I’m obsessed with so many of you. Raise your fuckin hand, I have to know.

@ your twin flame down below, they have to buy you Raisin’ Canes.