How to Return to NYC and Prolong Your Dreams (From Someone Who Seriously Hasn’t Done It Yet)
First, humble yourself. You booked one holiday tour. You can call yourself a professional actor when you appear in something outside of the realm of Dr. Seuss.
Next, do a nice clean-out of all your clothes. In a panic, you stuffed everything under your bed before you left, to be respectful and make room for the stranger who subletted your room while you were gone (your best friend who wouldn’t have cared). Take it all back out and feel every endorphin as you stuff every single garment into a give-away bag. Take it all to Buffalo Exchange, and think about what you’re going to do with all the money you’re about to make! And as you watch Erin, the buyer working that day, hold up each of the clothing items— that you once decidedly purchased and confidently displayed on your body— and crumple them into a clear NO pile, narrow your sights to $13, because that’s all you’re going to get, along with fifteen minutes full of freckled judgment from Erin.
Do you have any kind of sweatpants to keep you warm? Not anymore. Do you have four different pairs of socks with The Grinch’s entire body on them? Yes.
You don’t have a job, right? Good. Go spend $300 at Target, Home Depot, and Trader Joe’s. 100 at each should be good. Again? For what, you ask. It’s actually below freezing in your apartment. You need to fix your drafty windows, and to get a warmer comforter, and you need soup as hell. Remember when it was too hot in here? Surprise! Say hello to the motherfucking Snow Meiser!
When you wonder what to do each morning, start this routine: Google: Bartending jobs NYC flexible hours. Serving jobs NYC flexible hours. Receptionist jobs NYC flexible hours. Remote jobs flexible hours. Wait, haven’t we done this before? Yes. You spent an entire summer cropdusting restaurants, bars, and tour buses and then lighting them on fire, so what were you left with? That’s your own fault.
As you go to bed back in the place that somewhat traumatized you three months ago, look at the “WELCOME HOME DEEJ” sign that your best friends put on your wall and remember why you came back. Because more of your friends moved here in the time that you were gone and you were getting kind of bored of the original ones.
But you’ll figure it out, soon. You’ve gotten a taste of your dreams before, and all it took was a few months of bartending, heat stroke, and the laundromat. Maybe you’ll get another pre-success panic attack soon. Here’s to hoping.